My crazy love
by AmyVoo
Summary: Drowning in self pity and misery, what's wrong with me. I'm crazy. I'm in love with celebrity.


**I don't own Twilight. Or Biffy Clyro. Sad. :(**

**Sorry for grammar mistakes, if I have any. :)**

* * *

How I hate these boring classes. What's the point of me knowing theories and other academic bullshit? How is it going to help me become an amazing writer? Or be the best TV or radio host world has ever known? I hate studying! I hate that without the paper from university I can't be a journalist. At least that's what everyone is saying. So I have to sit here, and rather than listening to the person in front of us, I always think about how my life just sucks.

Let me rephrase that: My life doesn't suck, I do. I have amazing parents, awesome friends. I just have no motivation. I don't want to work, don't want to study. Lately I feel like I just don't want to live.

I am brought out of my thoughts by sudden pain in my arm.

„What was that for?" I look up and see that Alice is already standing, with my bag in her hands. She punched me!

„Can you just for a second get out of your dream world, and grace us mere mortals with your presence? Let's go! I wanna smoke. And Jasper is probably already waiting for us." I sigh and get up, taking my bag from my best friend's hands and starting to search for my pack of cigarettes. I swear my bag is a black hole. Can't find anything in it.

We make our way to the exit, and Alice starts her usual whining about her work. Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend, but she can be so anoying when she starts telling me how her work sucks, or that time when she didn't talk to Jasper for three days, 'cause... I don't even remember why. I never listen or try to remember that stuff. Kinda not that important to me, I guess. I wish I had her problems. Alice's only problem is how not to die of boredom on work. While I, it seems, am starting to drown in self pity and misery.

I wasn't always so depressing. I guess it all started when that hot new actor made apperance in that boring action movie about zombies. I think it was about zombies. Well, another movie about some new sickness hitting the world.

Edward Cullen, dread of all guys, 'cause every girl wanted him, including Alice, who was already dating Jasper at that time. I was no exception. At first I didn't understand why women, and some guys, were attracted to him. But after some time... I don't know what happened. He was the only thing I could think about. Still is.

Last year I have had enough. I was tired of living like that. I couldn't do anything without thinking of Edward Cullen. He was even in my dreams. I was obsessed. So I went to see a profesional. And you know what shrink told me? Apparently, I was in love with Edward Cullen. Hah! And here I thought I'm crazy! Nothing special. Just in love with a FREAKING CELEBRITY! Ok, I had to be crazy. Even pleading for those magical pills that those shrink dudes prescribe, I was declared normal and shoved out of office.

So a year later I'm as miserable as ever. Like I said, drowning in self pity and misery.

We finally manage to squeeze out of the building and I still couldn't find those damned sticks. Where are they? I swear if I left them-

„AHA! Finally!" I open my pack of cigarettes, take one out, and light it.

„I swear that one of these days the bag will swallow you, B. You want even stand a chance against the great force that is your bag a.k.a. The Black Hole."

„Ha Ha Ha! Very funny Jasper." I snap at him. I know I probably sound bitchy, but I'm simply not in the mood.

„What the fuck is wrong with you today?" Alice, and what isn't?

I haven't told anyone about my obsession. Not even Alice, my best friend of... forever. So I can't just tell her that my life is shit and I don't know what to do. I can't tell her that I'll probably be forever alone. She wouldn't understand. No one would.

„Nothing. I'm just pissed at Jessica. It's like Mike is our third roommate lately. I hate that guy." So I lie, like I always do.

„You have to talk to her about it." Of course, Alices' amazing suggestions. Talk, talk, talk. Talking is the key to a good realationship.

„Nice suggestion, Alice. Don't you think I tried? 'You're just jealous, Bella. Go get a boyfriend.'" I say in a that too sweet tone that Jessica has, while Jasper just laughs. Dude, I didn't tell a joke!

„Anyway, I don't want to talk about it!" I'm so tired of Jessica.

That's why I'm jealous of Alice. Apart from the boyfriend, who she's in love with, she has a job, while I'm stuck trying to find one. My parents said that they are going to pay for dorm, not appartment. For that I have to find a job and pay for rent myself. Awesome! Guess I'm stuck with Jessica for a long time.

„So girls, excited about the concert?" That's why I like this guy so much. While Alice probably would have continued with the previous topic, Jasper knows when to change it.

„I already have an outfit. What are you wearing, Bella?"

„Ummm... shorts... and a t-shirt... and converse?" Sounded more like a question, not a statement.

„What? You don't have an outfit yet? The concert is in three days! And no, your not wearing shorts and a t-shirt!" Of course. She always has an opinion on my outfit choices.

„Alice, I am not wearing a dress, as I'm sure you have already pictured in your head. And NO to heels. Forget about it."

„But Bella that blue one-"

„No."

„It would look so-"

„No!"

„But Bella-"

„NO, ALICE!"

„But-"

„What part of NO don't you understand? Is it N? Or O?"

„Oh, you're no fun." Alice starts pouting, but I don't really care. Not today. Today sucks.

* * *

I have read the same page over and over again. Nothing registers in my brain. All I can think about is Edward Cullen. Thank God I don't live in LA, or I probably would have stalked him down by now.

_God, why? Why can't I be normal? I just want something real. Like Alice has._

I'm so pathetic. I'm 21 and I had sex once. I lost my virginity last year. I was so drunk that I guess I just didn't care. I had a one night stand. I haven't been on dates, and I have never had a boyfriend. See? I'm awesome. If that is not something to be miserable about, than I don't know what is.

I mean, I live in Miami. Why I have to sulk, sit in my room all alone? I want to live! Go outside, have fun, go to the beach with my friends. But I don't do any of it. I'm not in the mood. Never am. I hope that at least going out with my friends today to the see one of my favorite bands play, will take my mind off him.

* * *

„I can't wait! This is going to be SO AWESOME!"

„Yeah, I guess." Me. Always so enthusiastic.

We make our way inside. There are so many people already. I want be able to see a thing. Let's hope our usual spot is free. And it is! Yes! When we get to the bar, we order drinks. After that we move to our spot. Let's say we are regulars. There is this step near the stage, it's really wide so all three of us can stand, and from this angle we see the stage perfectly.

The first band starts to play. They're not bad, but not something I would willingly go to see. So I decide to go for a smoke. After telling my friends were I'm going, I make my way through sea of people to go outside. When I get to my destination I'm thankful that smoking inside is not allowed. I savor the relative peace and quiet, 'cause everybody is inside, enjoying music.

I don't notice that someone has come outside for a smoke until I hear –

„Hey. I'm sorry, could I borrow your lighter? I forgot mine inside. Thought I had it." Voice sounds familiar.

„Sure." But as soon as I turn around with my hand outstretched and lighter in it, I see who is asking me for a lighter.

„Thanks." I think I'm dead. In front of me is standing Edward Cullen himself.

He hands me my lighter back, and all I can do is turn back around and continue leaning against the wall. We continue smoking in silence, and it's uncomfortable silence, at least for me. What is wrong with me? I have imagined this situation, me standing next to him, so many times. I have thought of what I'm going to tell him, but know my mind seems blank. And on top of that I'm nervous. Maybe I can say: „Hey, like your movies." But then again, that would be a lie. I like him, not the movies. So I stand there like an idiot, thinking what to say.

„Nice tattoo. But why stripes around your leg?" I try to calm down as I look down at my ankle were my three stripes tattoo is.

„Well... stripes for me represents infinity. Didn't want to get the cheesy eight." He starts smiling as I explain the meaning behind my tattoo.

„Why three of them?" Shit. How do I explain that_? Oh, that's because you're three years older than me, and this tattoo represents my undying love for you._ Yeah, so not happening.

„Ummm... three is... Ok, I don't really know why three. It just felt right, I guess."

We continue talking about tattoos, which soon turns into conversation just about everything. Movies, books, music. Anything. But suddenly my phone makes a sound, alerting me that I have one new text message from Alice: „Where are you bitch? Biffy Clyro are finally taking the stage!"

„Everything's ok?" As I look up, I see him looking at me.

„Yeah. My friend texted me. Biffy Clyro are taking the stage. So we better get inside." His smile drops a little, but he recovers quickly.

As we enter the building, Edward turns around unexpectedly.

„Hey. How about you and your friends join me upstairs?" My heart literaly stops. Edward wants me to join him on the balcony? Where VIPs are?

„I-I would love t-to. I'll go fetch my friends." As I make my way over to were Alice and Jasper are standing, I tried to calm myself. Unsuccesfully, might I add.

„Did you fall in a ditch and couldn't get out? Where were you?" I'm surprised she noticed that I've been away that long.

„Guys, lets go. We got invited upstairs." Alice squeals, and thank God I can't hear it. Sometimes her squeals are so loud, that I'm surprised I still can hear.

We start walking back to where Edward is standing. Of course Alice notices him, pulls on my hand and stops me.

„Edward Cullen? Seriously? Do I want to know how you pulled that off?"

„I didn't do anything. We smoked together outside. Talked, and he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. So my logical answer was yes."

* * *

We were sitting around the table, enjoying the amazing show. I was sitting next to Edward, but couldn't talk to him, 'cause the music was so loud that I simply couldn't hear him when he said something.

First chords of Skylight started to play, and I got up to stand closer and see the band better. I loved that song.

_I don't know where we're going from here  
But it's time to sing the saddest song  
Looking alive with a broken mind  
Why don't you ever take my side_

I was standing by the rail, swaying to the beat, when I felt someone behind me, than I saw familiar hands grip rail on each side of my hands, and press into my back slightly. I turned my head a little to the left.

„I love this song." Edward said as he leaned even closer, placing his lips on my bare shoulder. Feeling bold, I leaned into him, and felt his smile grow against it. He circled his right hand around my waist, squeezing me to him and kissing my shoulder.

We stayed like that till the end of the song. And the next, and the next. As we were standing there, I thanked God. I don't know what I did to earn this. Probably sulked too much. I never wanted this moment to end.

I slid my hand against his, and in return Edward squeezed my waist and kissed my neck. He continued kissing up to my jaw, then slowly turned me around. I looked up into his eyes. I couldn't take it anymore. So I kissed him. He groaned into my mouth and kissed me back. I never thought kissing someone could be this amazing.

As we continued kissing, he slid his hand down my back, to my ass and pulled me flush to him. Now it was my turn to groan. He was so hard, and I was so turned on. Usually I was against one night stands, especially after last year. But God I wanted him. And I wasn't that naive to believe he wanted more. I would take whatever he would give, and deal with consequences later. I think I'll need another shrink.

He let go of my lips, but continued kissing down my neck. Behind his back I saw Alice, and in true Alice fashion she held up two thumbs up as she looked at me. Edward pulled away slightly, looked me in the eyes and smiled.

„Let's get out of her." Did I seriously just say that?

„Are you sure?" Dude, no questions. Act! Do something!

„Positive." He smiled wider.

„Ok then. Let's go. Say goodbye to your friends." He pecked my lips and let go.

* * *

Cab ride to his hotel was somewhat quiet. Well of course it was. Our lips were kinda occupied.

Once inside his hotel room, clothes were flying. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Here I am, pressed against the door, and now I'm lying naked on his bed. I hope the act doesn't happen that fast. I would be dissapointed.

His right hand slides down my side to my thigh, while his left hand kneads my breast. And now times seems to stop. As Edward looks into my eyes, he puts my left leg around his waist and in one powerful thrust he's in me.

I moan loudly. Or maybe I screamed. I'm not sure, 'cause pleasure is so intense, that all I can do is feel. This moment is not only the highlight of my year, but of my whole life. He moves in me slowly, but powerfuly. I'm so close. I can feel it. It's like I'm about to jump, fall. Like skydiving.

„You feel so amazing. Look at me, Bella." I open my eyes and look into his. That's all it takes for me to see stars, fireworks, whatever. I jump, and I fall. If before I doubted my feelings for Edward, now I'm certain, I love this man.

After couple more thrusts, he stills above me, spilling in me. He relaxes, nuzzles my neck and presses me into the mattress. After some time, Edward lifts up his head, kisses me before rolling to his side, and pulling me flush against him. I try to stay awake, to savor these last moments with him, but soon enough, too soon for my liking, I drift off to sleep.

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling a little out of it. At first I didn't understand where I was. And then last nights events came back. Oh my God. I had sex with Edward Cullen. A one night stand at that. What the hell was I thinking? Was he worth breaking my moral beliefs?

Of course he was. But now I needed to get out of here. I wasn't ready for 'It was fun, but you have to leave'. Ok, I simply didn't want to hear it, so I have to get out of here. As I slid away from Edward and from his warm arms, I gathered my clothes. Once inside the bathroom, I quickly wash my face, so I wouldn't look like a hooker, got dressed and fixed my hair. Crouched down, I qiuetly opened the door. Why I crouched I have no idea. It's not like it would make any difference in the noise department.

It didn't matter how loud the door was, 'cause Edward was standing on the other side, arms crossed, eyebrow raised, looking all sexy as hell. I paused, looked at him, and started to think what to say.

„And where were you going?" His voice in the morning was sexy, too.

„Well I was thinking that I'll save you trouble of throwing me out, and I was planning to dissappear before you woke up." OK, I'm starting to get embarrassed. Can't I just go?

„Why would I want to throw you out?"

„Well... because... we had a... one night stand, and ok I don't know how this works." Please, can I just die now?

He uncrossed his arms and started moving towards me. Once in front of me, Edward took my face in his hands, tilted my head so I was looking into his eyes. Than smiled.

„It was not a one night stand, and I'm not letting you go. You're stuck with me." And then he kissed me.


End file.
